Lou and I will take over the world one day. Okay, Lou will write the code to do it, and I will just promote our victory so everyone comes to the party...but it will be fucking awesome, nonetheless.

There are a few things that I know are FOR SERIOUS in this world.

1) My mom will never smoke pot. I mean, she should. But she never will.

2) My bosoms will ALWAYS be big.

3) I will ALWAYS speak my mind. Even in quiet libraries and churches.

4) My blatant and intense use of the work FUCK is going to be documented in my eulogy.

5) Lou Plata will always be the second person I pray to for help…other than Papa Dios, of course. Oh, and Oprah. (But I only pray to her when she is giving away cars and shit.)

LOU PLATA is like Jesus, but of the Internets. And guess what? Just like Jesus, Lou is my homey. I had a duel with him in his Audi one night…okay, it wasn’t a duel. It was a conversation. But it was in, like, 40 degree weather in Miami, so we were fucking freezing in the elements, so it was battle-esque. Epic-esque. Popsicle-esque. And Lou conceded to give me VP status on antisteez. Yes. Me. VP. Like Michelle to his Obamaness. (Cause we all know Michelle Obama is the REAL Vice President of the United States and of the president’s penis.) (But this in no way means I see Lou’s penis. Ever.)

So, since Lou gave me half of the ‘steez, I kind of owe him my life. He is, like, Edmond Dantes and I am like Jacopo in The Count of Monte Cristo. He is, like, Leon and I am, like, Mathilda in The Professional. He is like Bert and I am like Ernie and we have a gang on Sesame Street…so don’t you fucking ese’s think you can come on our street and creep around, okay vatos? We ain’t gonna tell you how to get to Sesame Street. We don’t want you gangeros on our turf! Don’t you vatos know we’re LOCO!?!?!?

(Sorry, I had a Mexican, Edward James Olmos, American Me moment there. lol)

And because we ride or die, (Mostly, we ride…because this is not SET IT OFF and we are not Queen Latifah and we are not going to end up lesbian swiss cheese at the end of this post.) Lou is my salvation. He is saved me from blog-blah, which is like purgatory in the Internets.

Which is why, right here and right now, I will declare…I love Lou. I want to scream it from the rooftops. But I figured I would just post about it. And do it in NON-BOLD, because Lou hates it when I bold everything just for shits and giggles. So in no way, shape or form am I going to use the BOLD feature to say how much I love Lou Plata.

I’ll just say…

I love LOU!

(Because he said nothing about using HEADING 1…lol)

xoxo

goobs